I think I'm upset, but I might just be confused

Lacotse intolerant. That's what we thought I was. Now I'm not so sure. I've been doing a bit of research about this affliction. It is supposedly natural and happens to most Spanish and Asian decedents. Many elderly people stop producing the lactase enzyme as well. That's the definition of lactose intolerance. We stop producing lactase, which breaks down lactose. Simple chemistry. Unless you don't produce lactase and you love dairy products. Then it sucks. It can hurt. It can smell bad. It can ruin your day.
All this research has only confused me further. I'm going to reference "them" and "me", like how "they" say that cheddar cheese has no lactose in it. Then what has been happening to me after I eat it? "They" also have mentioned seeing my doctor and getting "tested" for lactose intolerance. There is a test? I hope I get an "A", or a "negative" ... I guess. What if I don't?
So, I guess it's time to make a call to my doc. "Excuse me Dr. Falquier, but can you please test me for lactose intolerance?" Yeah, I can just see her face. "Test you for what?"
Cause I can eat cheddar cheese with no problems now. Sort of. Sometimes something happens. Aw man, I'm a bit upset. The simple brilliance of taking a lactase pill when I want to join my friends in a slice of pizza now seems stupid. What have I been wasting my money on (those lactose pills are not cheap!)?
So, the quest continues. Am I lactose intolerant? Or am I suffering from something else? I had a pretty bad bout with colitis when I was 21. Maybe that should be revisited. Or?
I can eat the wondrous tastiness of Red Mango Frozen Yogurt (I know you all think I'm a Pinkberry devotee, but a girl can only wait so long). I can eat it without any pills and without any issues. They (Red Mango) claim they pump live active cultures into their yogurt. I had heard previous warnings about live cultures in "frozen" things. The cold temperatures supposedly puts the cultures to sleep and therefore do not do their duty of eating the lactose for me. What? I know … right?
Me thinks this is getting ridiculous. And not ridiculous in a good way. I need to take a Nutrition class. Again. The one at Mesa College in 1992 is clearly not gonna handle it for me.
So even though I'm kinda mad, I'm just confused and need more education. Don't we all.